This entry was posted on Sunday, January 13th, 2008 at 1:27 am and is filed under deadspin, will leitch, will leitch makes me want porn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
-
Recent Comments
tiff on About recipients of your l… on About Stevo on Adventures in Pornography PurdueMatt on Adventures in Pornography ian in hamburg on Adventures in Pornography
January 13, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Wow…it takes some special writing talent to make a purchase at a local Borders’ into The Odyssey. Well done.
January 13, 2008 at 3:33 pm
That was amazing.
January 13, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I was hoping at the end of the story you’d go nuts and confess to actually being a child pornographer. It would have been like a modern interpretation of Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart.
Well done, nonetheless.
January 13, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Tuffy,
Very well written, as always.
January 13, 2008 at 4:39 pm
**Eight dollars for the pleasure of seeing someone’s Photoshop skills make an attractive young woman completely unattainable?**
All in a days work, my friend. Thanks for helping pay the rent this month.
January 13, 2008 at 4:44 pm
You took me back to my younger days(the 70s), when I would always buy a “legit” magazine to rationalize my purchase of a skin mag. Good stuff, Tuffy.
January 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm
This is why I do all of my pornographic procurement at a small shop housed above a PCP warehouse. Buying a Pentouse amidst displays of two foot dildoes and strap on butt plugs takes all of the embarrassment out of it.
The sticky floors are a bit of a bother, but the toothless hag in the leather bustier behind the counter understands me completely. That said, I do take the preventative measure of disguising myself as Carl Monday.
January 13, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Epic story. Although you should’ve attempted to throw in the term “pants party” with one of the employees.
January 13, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Try being a girl attempting to purchase anything pornographic. Whole different ballgame ;)
January 13, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Lol! Great write! And I have noticed that anytime you are trying to “quickly” buy something that you don’t want anybody else to see, that clerk is always going to speak louder than normal. Wonder why that is?
January 13, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Nice–where’s the interview?
January 13, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I have to agree with Mcbias, that was an amazing story. Comical, entertaining and yet it wasn’t about the penthouse magazine, it was wondering what will happen next and the writing that kept me reading. Keep up with the writing.
January 13, 2008 at 9:17 pm
- Joel: I am not a child pornographer.
- Senators Lost Cajones: The rain slicker would have indeed finished the job for me.
- ipartywithsmoot: No no. Thank *you*.
- E: Check the link above. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to open the damned thing to figure out which page.
January 13, 2008 at 11:45 pm
ahahahahaha
January 14, 2008 at 2:52 am
the writing …. very good literature. keep it up yo!……
January 14, 2008 at 3:01 am
Thats nice….you have good writing skills
January 14, 2008 at 4:43 am
So much energy at the end of the week to write a great story! – however you should try a more liberal life in Germany
January 14, 2008 at 6:21 am
nice story!
January 14, 2008 at 9:07 am
Well written. But a Borders? A lot of words could have been saved: “I went to a gas station off of the interstate to buy a Penthouse. The end.”
January 14, 2008 at 9:50 am
“Clearly I don’t want my wife or girlfriend to find it on my credit card . . .”
So – which is it? The wife or the girlfriend you’re most concerned about????
Inquiring minds want to know.
January 14, 2008 at 10:04 am
Painful. (the story, not the writing)
January 14, 2008 at 10:31 am
Joel: I am still not a child pornographer. (Yes, I doth protest too much.)
3000: Where were you when I needed you? (My guess? The gas station.)
kwjwrites: Why not both?
pip: Thanks for clarifying. I can go either way on my stories.
January 14, 2008 at 10:37 am
That was very good writing. I had never read your blog before.
January 14, 2008 at 10:51 am
hihihi, thanks for the amusing read. It’s funny how complex the simple task of buying a magazine can be. Next time, surprise the cashier by putting 2 or 3 newspapers on top of the nudie mag. They’ll go through them one by one and then BAM … :)
Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who think porn is evil. It’s just fun, for everyone.
January 14, 2008 at 11:03 am
I read this in my office and laughed out loud… I’ve never read your blog before…. really good stuff. I will pass you along!
January 14, 2008 at 11:42 am
Maybe you should masturbate to the magazine. Eight dollars is a lot of money.
January 14, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Funny stuff! Do you remember that scene in Little Miss Sunshine, where a highway patrol officer pulls the family for speeding? Porn totally saved their day, embarrasment aside. I hope porn saves my day in the future.
January 14, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I am glad there are still men who feel awkward buying pornography. Maybe if men had to indulge more often publicly we would have less of an epidemic with our boys/men. It’s really too bad they can’t have those magazines with the “good articles”, come with an opt out of the porn version.
January 14, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Brilliant!
January 14, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Brilliant! A great laugh and well written
January 14, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh my GOD that was hilarious!! I kept laughing out loud…really loudly. My apartment mate is getting annoyed with my random outbursts of laughter, I think. Oh well. This is the first time I’d seen your blog, and certainly not the last. Thanks for the great and very entertaining read!!
January 14, 2008 at 1:02 pm
You had me at “wife or girlfriend.”
Bravo youg man, Bravo!
-Dobe
January 14, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Why you should get a subscription, like my boyfriend has.
January 14, 2008 at 2:43 pm
This should have been published in the Voice in 1987 back when people were scared of porn.
January 14, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Nicely done indeed. Just as an aside: While I was in high school, I never bought any of these – I read through as many as I could in the store, and frequently slipped a few in with my armload of textbooks. Couldn’t bring myself to buy one, and wasn’t sure I could.
January 14, 2008 at 2:46 pm
” Wow…it takes some special writing talent to make a purchase at a local Borders’ into The Odyssey. Well done. ”
I would definitely concur with this gentle mens response to this post ….
January 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Gotta say, that was quite an amusing read! Thanks for the great story. Next time…buy it online son! Save yourself the troubles! lol. Seriously though, good job on the story. I loved it.
January 14, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Wow, I wouldn’t feel bad about buying porn. It’s such a common thing these days, there’s no reason for a confessional booth. Do you really work in the porn business? I like how the teenagers and their mothers always seem to grab my attention too when buying mysteriously awkward suveniers. hehe http://www.staticity.wordpress.com
January 14, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Haha…this was great!
January 14, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Amazing
January 14, 2008 at 7:57 pm
$8 for a skin mag? There are places where you could get a hooker for less.
January 14, 2008 at 8:46 pm
loved the part about the beard, for obvious reasons
beautifully written story also
January 14, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Engrossingly funny… very well written…
lol @ em… thats the bitter truth eh?
as for Will… I do pray that next time he comes up with a book, the interview is on The Economist… I am sure that after Will has read this, he would not allow PentHouse to interview him…
cheers,
Dubes…
January 14, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Hahaha! Very well written!
But at least for your mission, you had the benefit of actually buying it for the interview. It would have been much more nerve-wracking if you were actually going in for the debasement. The sweat would have been unbearable, hehehe.
Nicely done!
January 14, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I liked the idea of indulgence to feel like a teenager…. must try this some time.. great writing
January 14, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Wow. That was a fun read!
(And I can totally relate to it, too.)
January 14, 2008 at 11:36 pm
i used to be one of those moms at the cafe. thankfully, my kids grew up and now i can buy any magazine i damn well please!
it’s just that now, i can’t be the centerfold either because they are old enough to buy them too.
oh, well . . .
January 15, 2008 at 8:04 am
The Economist? They have money shots in that magazine, too, you know. ;-)
I agree with projectbruce, though. In Germany, where nudity in mixed saunas is not only expected, it’s required, Penthouse is considered about as racy as the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. But I assume you were kidding all the way through, right?
January 15, 2008 at 11:06 am
Great post!
January 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Rule Number One: When buying porn do it at a convenience store in a distant neighborhood. Use the store only for that purpose.