Adventures in Pornography



56 Responses to Adventures in Pornography

  1. mcbias says:

    Wow…it takes some special writing talent to make a purchase at a local Borders’ into The Odyssey. Well done.

  2. Sooze says:

    That was amazing.

  3. Joel says:

    I was hoping at the end of the story you’d go nuts and confess to actually being a child pornographer. It would have been like a modern interpretation of Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart.

    Well done, nonetheless.

  4. J-no says:

    Very well written, as always.

  5. ipartywithsmoot says:

    **Eight dollars for the pleasure of seeing someone’s Photoshop skills make an attractive young woman completely unattainable?**

    All in a days work, my friend. Thanks for helping pay the rent this month.

  6. Bruce says:

    You took me back to my younger days(the 70s), when I would always buy a “legit” magazine to rationalize my purchase of a skin mag. Good stuff, Tuffy.

  7. This is why I do all of my pornographic procurement at a small shop housed above a PCP warehouse. Buying a Pentouse amidst displays of two foot dildoes and strap on butt plugs takes all of the embarrassment out of it.

    The sticky floors are a bit of a bother, but the toothless hag in the leather bustier behind the counter understands me completely. That said, I do take the preventative measure of disguising myself as Carl Monday.

  8. Sarge says:

    Epic story. Although you should’ve attempted to throw in the term “pants party” with one of the employees.

  9. slyparadox says:

    Try being a girl attempting to purchase anything pornographic. Whole different ballgame ;)

  10. lesleyduckworth says:

    Lol! Great write! And I have noticed that anytime you are trying to “quickly” buy something that you don’t want anybody else to see, that clerk is always going to speak louder than normal. Wonder why that is?

  11. E says:

    Nice–where’s the interview?

  12. life4music says:

    I have to agree with Mcbias, that was an amazing story. Comical, entertaining and yet it wasn’t about the penthouse magazine, it was wondering what will happen next and the writing that kept me reading. Keep up with the writing.

  13. Tuffy says:

    – Joel: I am not a child pornographer.
    – Senators Lost Cajones: The rain slicker would have indeed finished the job for me.
    – ipartywithsmoot: No no. Thank *you*.
    – E: Check the link above. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to open the damned thing to figure out which page.

  14. visaisahero says:


  15. gbayo says:

    the writing …. very good literature. keep it up yo!……

  16. jennieferxt says:

    Thats nice….you have good writing skills

  17. projectbruce says:

    So much energy at the end of the week to write a great story! – however you should try a more liberal life in Germany

  18. boobiebob says:

    nice story!

  19. 3000 says:

    Well written. But a Borders? A lot of words could have been saved: “I went to a gas station off of the interstate to buy a Penthouse. The end.”

  20. kwjwrites says:

    “Clearly I don’t want my wife or girlfriend to find it on my credit card . . .”

    So – which is it? The wife or the girlfriend you’re most concerned about????

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  21. pip says:

    Painful. (the story, not the writing)

  22. Tuffy says:

    Joel: I am still not a child pornographer. (Yes, I doth protest too much.)
    3000: Where were you when I needed you? (My guess? The gas station.)
    kwjwrites: Why not both?
    pip: Thanks for clarifying. I can go either way on my stories.

  23. Adam Smith says:

    That was very good writing. I had never read your blog before.

  24. mores says:

    hihihi, thanks for the amusing read. It’s funny how complex the simple task of buying a magazine can be. Next time, surprise the cashier by putting 2 or 3 newspapers on top of the nudie mag. They’ll go through them one by one and then BAM … :)

    Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who think porn is evil. It’s just fun, for everyone.

  25. asteelman says:

    I read this in my office and laughed out loud… I’ve never read your blog before…. really good stuff. I will pass you along!

  26. Candygram says:

    Maybe you should masturbate to the magazine. Eight dollars is a lot of money.

  27. Duffboy says:

    Funny stuff! Do you remember that scene in Little Miss Sunshine, where a highway patrol officer pulls the family for speeding? Porn totally saved their day, embarrasment aside. I hope porn saves my day in the future.

  28. rolandapete says:

    I am glad there are still men who feel awkward buying pornography. Maybe if men had to indulge more often publicly we would have less of an epidemic with our boys/men. It’s really too bad they can’t have those magazines with the “good articles”, come with an opt out of the porn version.

  29. Anz says:


  30. xhalin says:

    Brilliant! A great laugh and well written

  31. Amkii says:

    Oh my GOD that was hilarious!! I kept laughing out loud…really loudly. My apartment mate is getting annoyed with my random outbursts of laughter, I think. Oh well. This is the first time I’d seen your blog, and certainly not the last. Thanks for the great and very entertaining read!!

  32. dobeman says:

    You had me at “wife or girlfriend.”

    Bravo youg man, Bravo!


  33. Stiletto says:

    Why you should get a subscription, like my boyfriend has.

  34. Mark says:

    This should have been published in the Voice in 1987 back when people were scared of porn.

  35. tmulcahy says:

    Nicely done indeed. Just as an aside: While I was in high school, I never bought any of these – I read through as many as I could in the store, and frequently slipped a few in with my armload of textbooks. Couldn’t bring myself to buy one, and wasn’t sure I could.

  36. ” Wow…it takes some special writing talent to make a purchase at a local Borders’ into The Odyssey. Well done. ”

    I would definitely concur with this gentle mens response to this post ….

  37. Xander says:

    Gotta say, that was quite an amusing read! Thanks for the great story. Next time…buy it online son! Save yourself the troubles! lol. Seriously though, good job on the story. I loved it.

  38. staticity says:

    Wow, I wouldn’t feel bad about buying porn. It’s such a common thing these days, there’s no reason for a confessional booth. Do you really work in the porn business? I like how the teenagers and their mothers always seem to grab my attention too when buying mysteriously awkward suveniers. hehe

  39. delilahgirl says:

    Haha…this was great!

  40. kissandblog says:


  41. Em says:

    $8 for a skin mag? There are places where you could get a hooker for less.

  42. judohobo says:

    loved the part about the beard, for obvious reasons

    beautifully written story also

  43. kapsii says:

    Engrossingly funny… very well written…
    lol @ em… thats the bitter truth eh?
    as for Will… I do pray that next time he comes up with a book, the interview is on The Economist… I am sure that after Will has read this, he would not allow PentHouse to interview him…

  44. Hahaha! Very well written!

    But at least for your mission, you had the benefit of actually buying it for the interview. It would have been much more nerve-wracking if you were actually going in for the debasement. The sweat would have been unbearable, hehehe.

    Nicely done!

  45. benedictg says:

    I liked the idea of indulgence to feel like a teenager…. must try this some time.. great writing

  46. geekcritic says:

    Wow. That was a fun read!
    (And I can totally relate to it, too.)

  47. celeste says:

    i used to be one of those moms at the cafe. thankfully, my kids grew up and now i can buy any magazine i damn well please!

    it’s just that now, i can’t be the centerfold either because they are old enough to buy them too.

    oh, well . . .

  48. The Economist? They have money shots in that magazine, too, you know. ;-)

    I agree with projectbruce, though. In Germany, where nudity in mixed saunas is not only expected, it’s required, Penthouse is considered about as racy as the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. But I assume you were kidding all the way through, right?

  49. PurdueMatt says:

    Great post!

  50. Stevo says:

    Rule Number One: When buying porn do it at a convenience store in a distant neighborhood. Use the store only for that purpose.

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